Chinese American Part 2

I wrote this shortly after a unique conversation I had a few years back while working at my biotech job. 

“So are you Asian or American?” my co-worker asked me nonchalantly as we discussed issues of culture. Almost immediately my Caucasian associate from New York chimes in and calls me American looking for a strong confirmation in his eyes as he asks, “You were born here right?”  I sat in silence for a long time, then I thought about my mom and how she always said and still says in mandarin, “You are Chinese” then I hear the common tag with that quote “I want you to marry a Chinese girl” and my response would always be “man that is sooo traditional mom”. However his question made me begin to wonder what really categorizes people as either Asian or American. Especially when you bubble in those scantron forms for tests, jury duty, or immigration papers. At what point do you consider yourself Asian, American, or Asian American? Is it based upon speaking a language fluently? Because I see many who are bilingual/mixed ethnicities and they must feel like cultural chameleons, but I don’t think that defines your admission into one culture.

Is it the way you look? If I wear the traditional Chinese uniform or Billabong California surf wear I feel out of place in certain environments but intrinsically I am not persuaded toward one culture by wearing a piece of cloth.

Is it where you live? When I go to China I feel so out of place and the Chinese people can tell by my fragmented Chinese and demeanor that I come from America. Most of them just give up on me and we both begin to point. For me personally there is a need to hit up a Starbucks in China not because I like coffee but it is a sign of familiarity. Yet, when I am in America I get the same questions like, “So where are you from?” “You must be good at math right?” and the “ching ching chong” remarks from the not so bright folk. Food choice doesn’t really determine your culture either…I can cook a mean Kung Pao chicken dish at home in San Diego but I love Italian. I do believe that residency has a large influence on how you see yourself as Asian or American but it is not the only factor.      

Was it how you were raised? It is true that I cannot offer my children the best of my Chinese culture because I don’t have all the resources to teach it. But perhaps my broken Chinese will produce Chinglish speaking children haha. Already I see a divide when talking to my mother in Chinglish  and she responds fluently in Mandarin; something is always lost in translation or not always expressed as it was meant to be with depth and effectiveness that we both intended it to be. Raised in a Mandarin speaking home I struggled with the English grammar system but ironically I now struggle with Chinese.    

Here is a statement that has become somewhat of a proverb to travelers. “When you travel you want to live like the locals”. My question concerning ethnic identity is…do we always tend to shed our identity as we try to fit into the norm of society? If we are trying to fit in we lose a bit of our culture and ourselves because we will always be traveling. I am content to say that I am Chinese American the best of both China and America, this is my culture…this is who I am. However I do not know what my children or my children’s children will call themselves. I will offer them my history and my parent’s history and the blessings that my culture brings. With such factors as language, look, lifestyle, and nurture I also leave that task of identity up to them and God. I know that God will pave an ethnic journey and self-discovery for each child. I figure that they can discover it as with the rest of the world when asking the bigger question of “who am I?”